Signs of Anxious Avoidant Attachment Style in Teens

A healthy part of teen development is making connections and building relationships. And this largely depends on having a secure attachment style. Secure attachment styles help teens communicate their needs effectively, form connections, set boundaries, and build trust. 

Teens who have faced trauma or unstable parenting may develop an insecure attachment style, such as avoidant, anxious, or a disorganized combination of both, known as anxious-avoidant.

In teens, anxious-avoidant attachment can appear as fear of abandonment or intimacy, mood swings in relationships, difficulty managing emotions, and trouble holding long-term relationships.

What Is Attachment Theory and How Does it Affect Teens?

Attachment theory was developed by psychiatrist John Bowlby, who identified that the bonds formed between infants and caregivers can shape relational development, trust, and safety, impacting future relationships. In the 1970s, clinical psychologist Mary Ainsworth expanded on this theory and created the framework of attachment styles. 

Attachment styles explain how our early formative relationships, as young as infancy, impact emotional and nervous system regulation as well as our ability to connect with others. Parents and caregivers who meet the physical and emotional needs of their children typically raise teens who have healthier and higher-quality friendships and romantic relationships [1]. 

Research on childhood attachment and emotional bonds from the Sutton Trust found that 40% of kids lack a secure attachment style, which increases the risk of anxiety, depression, strained relationships, low self-esteem, and lack of purpose or ability to form connections [2]. 

How Attachment Styles Show Up in Teens and Their Relationships

There are several attachment styles identified in attachment theory, each with its own characteristics and effects on teens and their relationships. These include [3]:

• Secure Attachment: Teens balance independence with connection and emotional intimacy. They can openly communicate their feelings, respect others' boundaries, express their needs, and build meaningful relationships based on trust.‍
• Anxious Attachment: These teens typically fear abandonment, often having had their needs neglected from early childhood. They may seem clingy, jealous, or hypersensitive to criticism or to perceived rejection. ‍
• Avoidant Attachment: These teens may seem emotionally withdrawn or cold. They prefer being alone to emotional closeness, avoid deep conversations, or shut down during times of conflict.‍
• Disorganized Attachment: Teens swing back and forth between anxious and avoidant traits.

What Is Anxious-Avoidant Attachment?

Anxious-avoidant attachment is a form of disorganized attachment that develops when children perceive their parents or caregivers as both a source of fear/neglect and a source of love/comfort. This causes a “push-pull” effect (one day your teen may desire emotional intensity or closeness, and the next day seem standoffish, cold, or prefer to be alone). 

This pattern of attachment is often caused by inconsistent caregiving. For example, a parent with undiagnosed bipolar disorder may provide inconsistent emotional safety to their child, switching between emotional warmth and emotional volatility. This can create anxiety about feelings of safety and trust that ingrain themselves deeply in the child's psyche, shaping how they unconsciously view relationships [4]. 

Teens with anxious-avoidant attachment issues often come from backgrounds involving:

• Sexual abuse
• Physical abuse
• Emotional abuse
• Neglect
• Caregivers with untreated mental health issues (e.g., bipolar disorder)
• Parental drug or alcohol addiction
• Chaotic or unstable home environments
• Foster care or frequent changes in caregivers
• Exposure to domestic violence or family conflict
• Early trauma or scary environments
• Parental emotional unavailability or rejection

Signs of Anxious-Avoidant Attachment in Teens  

Teens with anxious-avoidant attachment often show distinct traits in relationships, friendships, and everyday interactions that can make social, academic, and occupational functioning difficult. 

Signs of anxious-avoidant attachment in teens include:

• Crave closeness and intimacy but may pull away when others get too close. 
• They may seem emotionally distant due to fear of abandonment or rejection. 
• Can also appear extremely “clingy or emotionally needy”. 
• Constantly seeks reassurance in relationships. 
• Struggles with boundaries, may have little to no concept of boundaries, or may be overly standoffish.  
• Cycles between hyperindependence and extreme dependence on others 
• Difficulty understanding or expressing their own emotions.
• Social isolation, low self-worth, loneliness 

How Parents and Caregivers Can Support Teens with Insecure Attachment  

Attachment trauma and insecure attachment styles can be unlearned, especially for teens who are more adaptive and more easily able to learn/unlearn behaviors. Parents and caregivers play a key role in helping their teens heal from disruptive formative experiences that impact attachment, as these problems often run through the family system. 

Some ways to support your teen, yourself, and your family with healing attachment wounds include: 

• Give them grace and offer basic respect, starting from as young an age as possible. Teens especially report feeling unheard or like the adults in their lives don’t take their feelings or problems seriously.
• Practice healthy communication not only with your teen, but with your partner or spouse, family members, and friends. Model for your teen what it means to actively listen, practice empathy, and openly express needs in an assertive way. 
• Take a genuine interest in them to make them feel seen, heard, and validated. Find out what music your teen is listening to, or what they are watching on Netflix. Show genuine curiosity in getting to know your teen; perhaps you will both learn something new about each other that you have in common [5]. 
• Consider professional treatment such as attachment-based family therapy, home-based interventions, trauma therapy, or Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) to help your teen address deep-rooted relational issues in the family home and learn skills for emotional regulation, trust building, and managing relationships. 

Healing Attachment Wounds in Family Therapy for Teens at Lotus Behavioral Health

Our residential treatment facility and structured out-patient programs for teens in Florida are designed to support teens and their families with the tools they need to recover from substance abuse and co-occurring mental health disorders. Our trauma-informed team understands the complexity of attachment wounds in teens and helps our youth restore trust, a sense of security, and form connections. 

At Lotus Behavioral Health, your teens' treatment often involved the entire family system, addressing inconsistent caregiving, boundaries in the home, and even intergenerational or systemic trauma. We combine individual counseling, group therapy, medication management, creative arts, and skill-building workshops to help teens heal disorganized attachment wounds and address emotional challenges. 

Contact our admissions team today to connect your teen with the mental health support they deserve. 

Sources 

[1] Mcleod, S. 2025. Attachment Theory In Psychology. Simply Psychology. 

[2] Princeton-Hubert, R. 2025. Nearly 40% of US children lack strong emotional bonds with their parents. The Chronicle of Evidence-Based Mentoring. 

[3] Jamil, S. 2025. Attachment Styles and Self-Esteem among Adolescents. Research Journal of Social Sciences. ResearchGate.  

[4] Brumariu, L. E. (2014). Is Insecure Parent-Child Attachment a Risk Factor for the Development of Anxiety in Childhood or Adolescence?. Child development perspectives, 8(1), 12–17.

[5] Peled, M. (2004). Adolescent-parent attachment: Bonds that support healthy development. Paediatrics & child health, 9(8), 551–555.